Wishing for Peace

Some days, I wish for lots of things.  Today, I’m finding that I only have one wish.  My wish for Wishful Wednesday is to have a peaceful life.  I went to church on Sunday, after having been away from the fellowship for a couple of years.  Truthfully, I haven’t been an active church member since Jamie was a baby…about 10 years.  We found out that Jamie had a weakened immune system (sort of-he caught every cold/virus he was near) and decided skipping church was one way to keep him healthier.  While that’s true, it certainly didn’t do much for my soul.

I am the kind of person who needs church.  I need the fellowship of other like-minded people.  I need that feeling of peace I get when I sing the hymns from the leather-bound red hymnal, the taking of communion, and hearing the word of God.  Now, this is not to say that the times when I wasn’t attending church I wasn’t hearing the word of God.  I have a close relationship with the Father.  I talk to him daily; He knows what’s in my heart.  I have given my children to Him countless times; when they have been sick (especially Jamie), unruly, and in a sticky situation.  I always pray, “Lord, I know these are your children that you’ve entrusted Joel and me to raise.  Please, help me find a way to get them healthy, or obedient, or out of this mess we’ve created.  I am giving them to You, Lord.  Please, give me guidance.”  I always feel peaceful after a talk with Him.

I love the rituals of church.  I love the sermons, and hearing what it was like back in the day.  I love that at this new church, they talk a lot about world peace.  The pastor ends the service by telling us to go out into the world and be the peace we wish to see in the world.  How powerful is that?  To have the absence of conflict in our lives would be something we’ve never seen.  Something that we’ll probably never see; but there’s a saying:  Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God.  That sign is hanging in my kitchen, to remind me that even though there is conflict in my life, and in our world, as long as I have that relationship with God I am going to be ok.  I will be at peace.

I hadn’t planned on going to church last Sunday.  I knew I had missed it, but I couldn’t get my husband to go with me and I was nervous about going to a new church on my own.  Riley, our five year old, begged me to take her.  She asked what they do at church, and I realized, she hadn’t been since she was a baby.  She probably wasn’t even a year old yet.  What kind of parent am I to not teach her my faith?  She sings the songs that I’ve sung to her about Jesus loving her (this I know!), but does she really understand?  No, she doesn’t.  My parents, even being as screwed up as they were emotionally, made sure that my sister and I grew up in the church.  We went to Sunday School every Sunday, and then to church, and then to fellowship on the grounds (when they had it).  Those are some of my best memories from childhood, and in fact, one of my oldest and dearest friends is from that time.  We grew up together, and are still pretty good friends to this day.  I can’t imagine my life without her, and I’m so thankful for that friendship.  I want the same thing for my kids.  I want them to have that same relationship with God, and make friends through church, just like I did.  Joel was raised Lutheran, and even had confirmation classes and such as a teen.  So, his faith is based on the Lutheran way of thinking.  I’m Methodist.  I don’t know much about Lutherans, other than a lot of their beliefs and rituals are similar to Catholics (my mother’s parents were Catholic, so I know some of the prayers).

Joel and I had sort of a bad experience in the last church we were attending regularly.  We had a new pastor start (the old pastor retired) and he preached on tithing on the first day.  Tithing is important to the church; I understand that.  It’s what keeps the church running, and able to help as many people as it can.  I get that.  What I don’t agree with is the preacher telling us we need to tithe, and then telling us who we should be making the rest of our donations to out in the world.  We should donate to those who don’t support gay marriage, and we should donate to this politician because they believe this way…well, that didn’t go over so well with us.  We are firm believers in separation of church and state.  I don’t want the schools teaching my kids about my faith, and I don’t want the church teaching my kids about politics.  My beliefs on gay marriage probably don’t match many churches’ (though, the Methodist church we attend is pretty open-minded and invites everyone to attend).  This was along the same time that Jamie was getting sick from being in the nursery at church, and it was an easy decision to not go back.  We started sleeping in on Sundays and making excuses to not go.

Cut to 10 years later, and a few other churches tried out, and here we are.  In the middle of that, we had Riley and then moved to another state 750 miles away.  Luckily, I think we’ve found a new church, and I feel so at home there.  We’re going to continue to go and give it a real chance.  I hope that Joel will come around and not be such a wet blanket when it comes to sharing our faith with the kids, but if he doesn’t then I’ll take it upon myself to do so.  I need it; they need it.  We NEED that PEACE in our lives.

So, today, on Wishful Wednesday, I am wishing for Peace in my life.  I’ve always had Him, and now I’m going to rely on Him to provide the Peace that only He can.  When someone says something or acts a certain way and I let it get to me, or things don’t go the way I hope, I will trust in Him.  I will know that He is there, and feel that Peace.  Whether you believe in Christ or not…whatever your peace is, I wish the same for you.  Find your peace and hang onto it.