Lazy People, iPhones, and Jesus

Have you ever heard someone say about people receiving government assistance, “People should get out and get a job.  Why do I have to work and others can sit at home on their butts reaping the rewards of my hard work?”  If you haven’t heard that, count your lucky stars.  I actually have heard some of my dearest friends say those exact words.  In fact, some of my family members have said that. It’s negative, and it also doesn’t really do anything to help the situation.

What some folks fail to remember is that everyone has a story.  Everyone has a problem they are dealing with.  That person who is buying a cart full of food with food stamps?  Maybe her husband was laid off, and the only happiness her children have is that box full of Little Debbie snack cakes that you’re eyeing with disdain.  That man on Medicaid?  Maybe he has a medical issue that made it hard for him to hold a job so he’s only able to work part-time.  Now, he has to rely on Medicaid to get the medications and healthcare that he needs.  That woman with 6 kids, 4 of whom are foster kids, and you see her with her nails done?  You may think she’s living high on the hog with all of that money she’s raking in from the state for those 4 kids.  Trust me, she is not getting enough to feed and clothe one child for the money she’s getting from the state for 4 children.  Maybe she did her own nails or she has a friend who is a nail technician and did it for her to pamper her friend.  That person you see with the “government phone”?  Maybe that person needs the phone to be able to find a job, and get medical attention.  Maybe that person who doesn’t work, but looks healthy has completely debilitating panic attacks, or PTSD .  That person with the iPhone?  Maybe that phone was a gift from someone that loves them.  You just never know about anyone else.

In this society, we tend to look down on those that can’t or don’t work.  It’s happened to me.  My own family has asked why I don’t go back to work.  The answer is this: I can’t make enough money to pay for the nanny we would need for my child who can’t go to school (he is home-schooled).  He is also on Medicaid.  Jamie has cerebral palsy with autism as a secondary diagnosis.  This means that he needs lots of attention, therapy, and he sometimes has weird medical problems (don’t all of our children have weird medical things?!).  Because of all of this, Jamie has Medicaid coverage.  This does not mean I’m lazy, or that my husband doesn’t make enough money to support his family.  I’m not, and he does.  The problem is that Jamie needs so many therapies and medications that his insurance (that’s right!  He has private insurance, too) doesn’t cover.  Due to all of this he qualified for the Medicaid waiver.  Because our private insurance only covers 20 therapy visits a year, Medicaid picks up the rest.  Thank goodness, too.  Can you imagine your child only getting 20 therapy sessions a year, or having to pay out of pocket for those therapies?  Before Jamie got the waiver, we were paying out of pocket up to $500 a month for therapies alone.

What if your child had a heart condition and needed open-heart surgery?  What if you had no insurance because your employer doesn’t pay any portion of it and you can’t afford it?  You wouldn’t tell your child they couldn’t have the surgery.  You would do whatever you had to do for your child, to make sure they could see another day.  Heart surgery may rack up $1 Million dollars in debt.  Or, what if your child had cancer?  You would do everything you could to make your child healthy again, right?  Here’s the deal, we are all one major illness away from needing assistance.  One. Major. Illness.  Some of us have children and they are completely neurotypical.  Some of us have children and they have special needs from birth, or develop needs later on.  Some of us adopt children with special needs.  None of us were planning on this to happen.  It just did.  Should our children suffer because we can’t provide everything they need?

Please don’t think that I’m saying that ALL people who are on government assistance are on the up and up–that they aren’t bilking the system.  I’m sure there are some people who do.  But the majority of people on government assistance are people who need it.  Just remember that everyone has a story.  Sometimes we are too worried about ourselves and not enough about the people around us.

Sometimes we speak and spout off without thinking about the feelings of people who may be hurt by what we’re saying.  I’m not living a fancy life because of Jamie’s Medicaid.  I’m able to breathe a little more comfortably because I’m able to pay my bills now, where before it was a struggle with all of the medications, doctor visits, specialists visits, therapies, AFOs fittings, wheelchairs, strollers, diapers, walkers, etc.  Our private insurance pays for some and Medicaid pays the rest (although as a former billing specialist, I can tell you that Medicaid RARELY pays anything because our private insurance pays more than Medicaid allows on their fee schedule, but that’s a story for another day).  Now I don’t have to worry where the money will come from for Jamie’s new braces.  He’s in a growth spurt due to puberty so every 4 or 5 months he’s needing new braces.  Thank goodness for assistance!

I think the thing that is most upsetting to me is that most people who say these things are thinking people just don’t care about working and are living off the system.  That isn’t entirely true.  There are folks out there who are actively looking for jobs.  Like me, they can’t justify working just to work without their new jobs paying for the things they need, like childcare.  It costs me money to work.  In fact, there are Americans who are underemployed and, as such, still need a little help getting the things they need.  Sadly, I’ve usually heard these words uttered about people who are African-American.  I’m not sure why this racist sentiment exists, but somehow it has become so.  I mean, come on, there are plenty of caucasians and other ethnicities on government assistance.  Maybe it’s because the statistics are somewhat skewed when presented to us.  According to the US Census data, in 2010, there were 38 million African Americans in the US.  Of those 11.4 million were on assistance, or 30%.  There were 229 million caucasian, and 11.6 million were on assistance, or 5%.  If I were to say to you that 30% of African Americans are on assistance, and 5 % of caucasians…you can see how some folks would skew this the wrong way, using it to make a point.  What should be noted is that the actual numbers are so close together.  This is not a race issue.  This is a societal issue.

Another popular phrase I’ve heard tossed about is, “If you can’t feed ’em, don’t breed ’em.”  This one is really hurtful.  This phrase was coined by people who think that others are just “popping kids out” to get more welfare.  Seriously?  That MAY be the case in some instances, but really?  How much do you think people on assistance are getting?  According to welfareinfo.org, the average family of 4 can expect UP TO $500 a month for food stamps, and UP TO $900 for financial assistance.  How many of you could survive on $1400 a month?  Not this family.  We spend almost $200 a week in groceries/toiletries alone. $1400 doesn’t even cover my mortgage.   So to all of those people who think that living on the system is a glamorous, carefree lifestyle, think again.  Remember, those mothers have stories of their own.  Everyone has a story.  Be thankful you aren’t in their shoes.  My own mother had to have help. Her ex-husband (my step-dad) walked out on her and my little brother and she had to live in section 8 housing because she couldn’t afford a nice apartment, let alone a house.  She also had food stamps, and financial assistance at one point because her ex-husband was a “deadbeat dad”, never once paying child support.  She worked full-time as a secretary, but it’s really hard to be a single mother.  I often think to myself, “There but for the grace of God go I”.  I can’t imagine being a single mom, with two children, one of whom has special needs.  We just never know about other people and their struggles.

If the government didn’t tax us for these things, who would help the people who really need it?  Would you give 10% of your pay every week to the needy?  Some of us would, and some of us still do, even after taxes.  I’m willing to bet that not a lot of us would do that, though.  It’s too easy to spend that money on ourselves and our own families.  Would you give money to the man on the street who is asking for a few bucks?  Maybe he’s only asking for money for booze, but I’m one of those people who still give him a few bucks (when my husband isn’t around).  If that’s all he has in life is a little hooch to make him happy, then so be it.  Maybe I brightened his day.  Remember, the bible says “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than this.” Mark 12:31.  Besides, what would Jesus do?

Help your friends and family remember that everyone has a story.  Every single person has something they are fighting.