I’m sorry. I love you.

Last night, I was lying in bed watching “Four Christmases”.  Now, this movie did not win any Oscars for best picture, but it was an enjoyable movie for lulling me to sleep.  I was lying there, thinking about the weekend and how Joel and I had a few moments this weekend where we just weren’t connecting and one or the other of us was in a mood.  I’m not sure whom it was, as it could have been both or either of us.  We just weren’t getting along very well.  One of us would misspeak and the other would get hurt feelings, and I’m just going to say it: someone was pushing someone else’s buttons.  There.  It’s out there.  Joel is a button-pusher, and I am a reactor.  I may over-react and then there’s a disagreement and voices are raised.  I digress.  I’m watching the movie, trying to reflect on the weekend and relax when I hear Vince Vaughn say, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  Well, this could not be further from the truth.

Anyone who has been in love or a serious relationship knows that you apologize MORE when you’re in a committed relationship.  Seriously!  I don’t know who wrote that stupid line in the movie (Actually, it was stolen from “Love Story”), but they should get some counseling on what really happens in a marriage.  I have apologized more in the last 15 years than I ever did as a single person. When you love someone, you don’t want to hurt their feelings so you apologize for a lot of things.  You apologize for your effed up childhood that made you the way you are. You apologize for saying things when you didn’t mean them.  Maybe your feelings were hurt by something you view as a slight from your partner so you react without really thinking.  I do that a lot.  I have to learn to not react without really figuring out why I’m upset.  I apologize for lashing out with hurtful words when my feelings are hurt.  I can be like a cat licking her wounds; do not mess with me when I’m clearly hurt.  It’s not pretty.

I’m sorry for using the last of the toilet paper and not replacing the roll (though I rarely do this because it’s one of my pet peeves.  Nothing worse than being on the toilet and realizing you have no paper!).  I am so sorry I burned dinner.  Again.  I’m sorry I scratched your car, and ripped the front clip off of said car, and hit a curb (three different incidences).  Really.  I’m sorry for that.  I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of your mom by telling a story about you at a party.  I’m sorry I didn’t reciprocate the kiss in the parking lot of our kids’ school because I was embarrassed.  I’m sorry I threw my engagement ring at you before we got married because of a silly argument.  I’m sorry I spent too much money at the mall/Walmart/Target/Publix, etc.  I’m sorry I poked you in the eye when we were sleeping.  I’m am so sorry that I walked in on you in the bathroom without knocking.  It was also a bad idea to delete your F1 recordings, not realizing you hadn’t watched them yet.  I am so sorry for disappointing you on occasion.  I have no excuse for any of these actions, but I am truly sorry.

Being in love means you consider the other person’s feelings before your own, but we all know that’s hard to do sometimes.  I guess the meaning of the line was that if you love someone and they love you, they will forgive you for your misstep.  Still, it’s nice to tell your loved one that you truly are sorry and never meant to hurt/embarrass (or piss off) them.  Relationships are a necessary thing, but oh so challenging.

There are lots of other things for which we apologize (or at least, SHOULD).  What are some of your transgressions?